MOVIE REVIEW: No Escape

"No Escape," the rudderless and violent thriller can't muster a strong political statement to back up what it's selling. This is a horror film disguised as an expat drama. To its credit, the action is unpredictable, unnerving, and flies at a white-knuckle pace. However, its purpose and delivery is senseless and nearly reprehensible. It lacks the spine to make the proverbial wringer the characters are put through matter in some way, shape, or form outside of exploiting our fears and senses. "No Escape" undoubtedly has an edge, but it's a raw and misshapen one.

MOVIE REVIEW: Self/less

WARNING: The following picture attached this website's review is an actual image from the film "Self/less" but it may indicate what your own facial expression will look like either live while watching "Self/less" or after seeing the film in its entirety. The timing and severity of this effect will vary among each audience member, but, make no mistake, this is the end result.

MOVIE REVIEW: Welcome to Me

"Welcome to Me" is a Mobius strip of a trainwreck. The film is a trainwreck... of a trainwreck. Starring an extremely invested Kristen Wiig, the film is, to its credit, a bold character piece and black comedy that seeks to put a trainwreck of a person on display in an effort to preach larger moral questions. As bold as it is in that intention, "Welcome to Me" doesn't achieve that and overshoots every landing possible. It's that really well planned gag or stunt that can't match the real thing because it's been too manufactured to where the unpredictability is taken away or feels forced. It's the second coming of "Dinner for Schmucks," in terms of cringe comedy, and that film was bad but at least funnier.

MOVIE REVIEW: Chappie

The title robot at the center of "Chappie," the latest science fiction film from Neill Blomkamp ("District 9" and "Elysium") lacks the qualities to become anywhere close to one of the best movie robots of all time. Both the film and the robot lack impact, presence, purpose, distinction, and, worst of all, uniqueness. It's a shame too because there were some intriguing "big ideas" floating around in "Chappie" that could have developed into something that had the chance to be impactful, purposeful, distinct, unique, and resonating.

MOVIE REVIEW: Jupiter Ascending

"Jupiter Ascending" is an utter mess of missed opportunity and misguided world-building. Just as with a majority of science fiction movies, the visual panache is present in astounding detail. That, once again, is the easy part. Unfortunately, none of it (and I mean none of it), is created with purpose or direction that becomes compelling and stirring to you as the audience. None of its creative ingredients work to earn your investment, acceptance, attention, or even your basic comprehension.

COLUMN: My Worst Films of 2014

Here are three lists of the worst movies of the 2014, as ranked by Every Movie Has a Lesson and fans of the website. Enjoy and Happy New Year! Let's turn the page to a new year.

MOVIE REVIEW: The Zero Theorem

All of this plot in "The Zero Theorem" operates in the wholly imaginative and tremendously trippy world that we expect from Terry Gilliam, which is just as it should be, in a way. I wasn't expecting anything less than his previous surreal creations. It's got that quirk going for it, but it's not used efficiently, outside of the fact that the film kept its dreary magic carpet ride at under two hours.

MOVIE REVIEW: Ride Along

"Ride Along" is a perfect vehicle for Kevin Hart's act. By playing his big mouth against his little frame, the jokes are easy to make when you put them next to the bark and growl of Ice Cube. Put them together in a cop movie and the jokes write themselves. In a way, it's almost too easy because "Ride Along" becomes entirely too cliche and predictable to really appreciate. It's in one ear and out the other.

MOVIE REVIEW: Only God Forgives

Only God Forgives is everything Drive was only slower, quieter, dumber, and more incoherent in every methodical way possible. It's yet another case of something that is all style and no substance or point.

EVERY MOVIE HAS A LESSON

by Don Shanahan

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