I’ve always had a thing for Zac Efron. Was it his lack of singing ability back in 2006? His iconic ‘dancing’ on a golf course? Or the fact that he’s aged incredibly well? 

Regardless, I’d never given this ‘celebrity crush’ much thought. 

Recently however, it was brought to my attention that my fondness of Mr Efron may not be as harmless as it seems.

When relationships, and particularly romantic relationships, are core in our life, could these celebrity fixations get in the way of finding real love? How can you tell when attraction has crossed the line into lust and affairs in the mind? Will you notice if your celebrity crush is actually ruining the relationship in front of you?

In this blog we’ll look at where the reality of attraction ends and the territory of lust begins.

Lust and its lies. 

We often assume that lust is purely the action taken on the feeling of attraction. 

But lust is also separate from attraction. Yes, our feeling of sexual attraction can turn into lust. But lust is so far removed from what attraction is. It must be something else. 

• Lust takes a thought, feeling, action or person and makes an object of it. It turns a ‘someone’ into a ‘something’. 

• Lust promotes the self. “I want this.” “I need this.” “I can’t cope without this.” It has no thought for the other. It pursues selfish intent. 

• Lust uses obsession to drive our desire for possession. 

This is why lust is a lie. People are not an object to be used.

So you can identify when lust has entered the picture when you recognise some of the above intentions. Equally lust is evident when:

• You feel controlled by it.

• You believe lies over truth.

• You feel there is no other option. 

I know, this is heavy stuff. Lust doesn't always come in big waves or dramatic circumstances though. Small thoughts and actions can let lust in too. SALT discusses this more in their blog about The Sin of Dating Apps.

Fantasy and fiction 

What encourages lust the most is the indulgence of fantasy or fiction in our minds. 

Lust is the pursuit of pleasure and joy out of what is not ours to have. This can be really tricky to handle when you enter the dating scene as a single Christian or if you’ve chosen to save sex for marriage. But people struggle with lust in a variety of scenarios. 

This is mostly because our world encourages it all the time! 

The world tells us to keep striving for what we want. That absolutely anything we desire can be ours. We see this in film, media, magazines and more. 

Unfortunately women have been fed this through romantic comedies and novels for years. They have been told that a perfect, dashing, sexually athletic man is out there. He will go to extreme lengths to be with them. Hence my brain being wired to thoughts of Zac Efron even since his High School Musical days. 

These stories almost always glorify infidelity. This is all over cinema. The couple we are routing for - one or both are actually cheating. You’ve Got Mail, Enchanted, Letters to Juliet plus more. 

Typically men have been encouraged to pursue this fantasy through pornography (more on that later).

Delphine goes into this more in this SALT video - give it a watch!

Responding to attraction

Attraction (in this context, sexual attraction) comes from God. He made us for relationship and our feelings of attraction guide us to this. 

One of the key contributors to our experience of attraction are our senses. The sight of more skin, the smell of perfume or cologne, the sound of their voice. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes in our bodies when we find someone attractive. TED-Ed’s video on The Science of Attraction is an interesting watch on this. 

Though a scientific approach might seem to rid the fun or romance, it does make a lot of sense. God created sex with the purpose of bringing new life into the world. So, sensing a good match to reproduce with seems wise. Especially if we do this without even noticing. 

It also explains why these physical feelings or senses for sexual attraction can be so strong.

But beyond this, attraction involves two other important factors. Our feelings play a big role. When we are attracted to someone we experience a flurry of feelings. The excitement, adrenaline, pleasure, happiness, safety or validation. These drive us to keep seeking out that feeling for increased satisfaction. 

Then there’s our desire. We all have a longing deep down to be loved. God placed this longing in our hearts so we would draw close to Him. Our desire to be intimate with someone else is part of our design. 

Sexual attraction therefore is a great thing. We can find someone attractive for a number of things also. The obvious physical attributes as well as someone’s personality, traits, status or faith.

How we respond to this attraction is where the question of ‘the line’ appears. 

There are attractive people in this world and most likely you will experience these feelings of attraction in your life. Our intention when it comes to sexual attraction should always be to honour, respect and love the other person. Anything opposing this is not great. 

When we take action on our feelings of sexual attraction before the time is right, this takes healthy attraction into selfishness - leading us toward lust.

Likely some damage control will be needed. Especially if we want to have healthy romantic relationships. 

This is most clearly shown in pornography use. Many people use porn to deal with, or live out, their lustful desires. With the hope that this will bring them pleasure and sexual satisfaction. 

But consuming porn is associated with poorer mental health, lower self esteem, poorer body image and increased loneliness. See Fight the New Drug for more information.

Attraction in its right place

So what did Zac Efron teach me about real love? He taught me that it’s not just about wanting the other person, about being physically attracted to them.

Appreciating how a celebrity looks is fine, but once you lust after them it can damage your real love with a partner. Here’s to long-lasting, healthy relationships with plenty of attraction mixed in.