PREDATORS-- 3 STARS 

"Reboots" have become an odd, yet fashionable, trend lately in Hollywood.  Their purpose is, presumably, to go back to the roots of a well-known story and breathe life into a dead franchise or failed first attempt.  Sure, it sounds cool but, sometimes, the question I ask as an audience member and a fan is why.  What stories, movies, or characters are enduring and worthy of being told and tried again and which deserved to fail and should be left alone?  Finally, when does it stop?  In 50 years, are we going to be seeing new Twilight and Harry Potter franchise reboots?

Those questions and results create endless debate and comparison within the fans of the popular characters.  The topics range from the petty (Who’s the best Batman?), the protective (How could they replace so-and-so?), and the cerebral (Did the time-travel events of the new Star Trek really erase what is supposed to be the old timeline from the classic TV show?).  I'm noticing that there are two types of reboots.  In one form, the reboot ignores the old history and goes back to retell the origin story, as seen in Batman Begins, last year's Star Trek, and Casino Royale showing James Bond's first mission.  In others, the reboot film is a loosely-based, long distance sequel that skips the origin of our familiar characters and tells a new adventure, mostly with new actors in the roles.  This was done in 2008's The Incredible Hulk, Superman Returns in 2006, and the hotly-debated upcoming Spider-Man reboot set for 2012.

The new film Predators falls into that second definition of reboots, but with hit-or-miss results with some datedness of its own.  20th Century Fox dug up and polished off a 1994 script that do-it-all action director Robert Rodriguez (the Spy Kids and El Mariachi trilogies, along with Sin City and From Dusk Till Dawn) wrote as a vehicle for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s return to the franchise after the lackluster Predator 2 with Danny Glover.  Arnold declined, the script was shelved, and they went with two AVP: Alien vs. Predator movies in 2004 and 2007.

Fifteen years later, they talk Rodriguez into returning to the project, hoping he would also direct.  You’d never know that he didn’t from all of the advertising bearing his name that he agreed to just write and produce while selecting Nimrod Antal (Vacancy and Armored) to direct.  The original 1987 summer blockbuster directed by John McTiernan (Die Hard, The Hunt for Red October, and The Thomas Crown Affair) and starring Schwarzenegger as part of a team of mercenaries who become prey to an unseen terror in the Guatemalan jungle is mentioned as history in the new film, whereas the pair of AVP showdown sequels are completely (and gladly) ignored.

The new film returns the well-known action and horror back to the jungle.  Even before the credits, our world's best killers, “predators” if you will, wake up in free fall over a jungle world.  An ex-U.S. military mercenary (Oscar winner Adrien Brody with 25 pounds of new muscle and bachelors degree from the Christian Bale of Growling), a tough female Israeli Special Forces sniper (Alice Braga of I Am Legend), a San Quentin death row prisoner (the fantastic Walter Goggins of TV's  The Shield and Justified), a denim-trimmed Mexican drug cartel thug (Rodriguez veteran Danny Trejo and star of the upcoming Machete), a Gatling gun-clad Russian Spetsnaz brick house (former UFC fighter-turned actor Oleg Taktarov), a dressed-to-the-nines Yakuza enforcer, a member of the RUF Sierra Leone death squad, and a seemingly harmless doctor (the completely miscast Topher Grace of That 70's Show, we'll get to him later) soon realize they are a long way from home and were brought together for a purpose, despite their diverse backgrounds.  The group, led by Brody, soon deduce that they are on a game reserve and they are the game.

The hunters turn out to be a team of three larger, more aggressive "Super Predators" who have evolved themselves and their killing prowess greatly since we last saw them in the Guatemalan jungle 23 years ago, even to the point that they hunt their smaller, original counterpart Predators.  In typical horror movie fashion, each of our group get their own acting moments and scenes while they are elaborately eliminated, one-by-one, in order of importance naturally, as they try to bring the fight back to the Super Predators and find a way off this foreign planet.

The wide-open jungle action comes to a grinding halt when our group encounters Noland, a U.S. Air Cavalry soldier who has survived and scavenged for years on the planet he first arrived and outlived his team.  Noland is played by Laurence Fishburne who plays the role like an older Morpheus who's seen Apocalypse Now too many times.  His talent is wasted and his experienced prophecies are way to vague and pointless in the scheme of things.  The character doesn't hang around long enough to matter, other than to offer our group a hot meal, a good night's sleep, and a chance to reload.

Fishburne's failure is an example of the movie's biggest weakness: casting.  I'll tip the hat to the effort of not casting the predictable Vin Diesel types, but the result is underwhelming.  While Adrien Brody has true acting chops, he looks out of place barking orders, taking his shirt off, and toting an AA-12 shotgun.  The minor characters, unlike the Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura beefcakes that you root for from the 1987 original, have absolutely zero charm or charisma.  They might have individual coolness for being deadly Yakuza or buff Russian, but no one on the cast, save maybe Goggins, is capable of a good, old-fashioned "I ain't got time to bleed" line delivery, and it's a shame.

And then there's Topher fucking Grace.  As if Spider-Man 3 wasn't enough (and my fellow comic book geeks know what I am talking about), I am convinced that he ruins every movie he's in and has no business in action movies.  His character is a waste of plot space and a waste of weak predictable twist.  His acting is a waste of salary (he gets second billing to Brody) and his attempts at smart-ass comedy don't work in a movie like this.  Stick to Eric Forman-like slackers and Oceans 11 movie cameos, Topher.  Leave the conflicted inner-evil to real actors.

Predators tries but cannot match the unpredictable, quiet, and stalking suspense with the jungle trees that the original had.  I never felt a level of taut suspense while watching it.  There are some great action sequences, which earn its stars here, but I never jumped out of my seat in surprise or scooted to the edge of my seat in excitement.  Overall, the new film adds up to a somewhat mixed bag and, if you couldn't tell from my Facebook dilemmas in writing this review since Sunday, I'm torn on a final opinion on it.  I liked it, but didn't love it.  I can recommend catching it for the action, but wouldn't rush friends out to see it or buy it someday on a Blockbuster previously-viewed DVD sale.

LESSON #1: TEAMWORK CAN ACCOMPLISH THINGS INDIVIDUALS CANNOT-- While all of these characters are the best at what they do and each are one-man killing machines, they are better when working together, putting aside their egos and differences, and combining their strengths, especially against a superior foe.

LESSON #2:  LIVE TOGETHER, DIE ALONE-- Maybe it's appropriate that the movie was filmed in the same Hawaiian jungles as TV's Lost, but this often-quoted theme from that show fits the teamwork, yet inevitable loss that comes in a horror movie like this.  Those characters that challenge that mantra by thinking of the group or survival of others over themselves win points, even if their skulls and spines are ripped out in one piece. Too bad, so sad!

LESSON #3:  MOM ALWAYS SAID TO WATCH OUT FOR THE QUIET ONES-- You have a crew of bad-ass military-trained soldiers and vicious gang killers and then a wimpy doctor shows up in the group?!  I know which one I'm keeping my eye on.  Thanks mom!  Great advice and fuck you Topher Grace!

LESSON #4:  IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM-- You're a killer, dude, being hunted by a big, stronger killer.  Be a killer!  Go ahead and get a little help from the Predators if you want too.  

LESSON #5:  IF YOU KNOW YOUR ENEMIES AND YOU KNOW YOURSELF, YOU CAN WIN A HUNDRED BATTLES WITHOUT A SINGLE LOSS-- Sun Tzu knew what he was talking about when he wrote "The Art of War."  Either that or Adrien Brody knew to rent the Schwarzenegger movie before covering himself in mud and just needed to win one battle.  Good thinking, Academy Award winner, now Haley Berry should be making out with you instead of the other way around.